Every Time You Masturbate God Kills An Emo Kid

The rumor was created by Satanist’s in order to try to promote masturbation amongst heavy metal fans. The idea was that Satanic metallers would dedicate even more time to jerking off, in exchange for God killing an Emo Kid at will.

If this was true there would be no Emo Kid’s left on the planet as masturbation is such a prevalent social ill in modern culture.

Think about it! Emo Bands like ‘My Chemical Romance’ have written entire albums dedicated to ‘waxing the carrot’. Why would they promote masturbation if they knew God would kill off their fanbase once their fans started abusing their bodies in this way? It makes no sense whatsoever.

Although God does not kill an Emo kid everytime you jack off, the whole seedy process makes Him irate. Instead of masturbating, try praising our Lord by preaching to Sinners in the street. You’ll be awarded a place in Heaven for your efforts!

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Previously as a rule, Scene Girls had to be stick thin in order to be accepted into mainstream society. These days a lot has changed. Thinness is now considered to be a symptom of conformity is now frowned upon in Emo circles. Obesity is the new thin in scene! If you walk past any McDonalds or Burger King right now you’ll see hundreds of Emo Scene Girls in there wolfing down as much junk food down their necks as they possibly can.

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